ascentia temptation

Closure of the dusk

2011-09-03T12:47:00.003+08:00

Closure of the dusk

The dusk deepens into total obscurity,
obscure to everything but that memory.
Memory having given nothing but pain.
Pain exists to devour thus tranquility.

The dusk grows into bitter coldness,
too cold it smoothly smother the hope.
I hoped and yet I feared,
this fear pain(t)s life into madeness.

The dusk seeps into maturing dawn,
little it dawns on my life, in your eyes.
Those stony eyes- indissoluble to tears,
let it be torn this love your curtain remains drawn.

Running the thoughts, repeat continually that we are
for ever sundered: and yet,
while I breathe and think,
I must love you.

Here lies just another free-style work that I wrote while serving duty in camp. The words in italic are extracted from Jane Eyre. Its not that perfect or great but I always hope that the readers would be able to harness the emotions I felt(or imagined emotions) while completing the work. Still a long way to go, many more lessons to learn.

Unstructured

2011-07-23T21:45:00.004+08:00

Unstructured

Its empty but its dying.
Dying from something within.
Loneliness, pain or heartache.
Breathless from this loss, this mistreat.
Breathe.
Come on,
breathe. For yourself.
Nothing.

Beautiful words sculptured by the only you.
Pity words lie easily Too easy they come to kill.
No longer existing the trust and that weakened bond.
Sentenced to loneliness, left with nothing.
Nothing.

Empty heart empty shell or empty feeling?
Confusing and lost.
There's no emotions yet a feeling exists to hurt.
Can't define, can't differentiate. You lost that logic.
The pain exists, eats you slowly.
Drowned and unnoticed.
You become nothing.

lost

2011-07-23T21:37:00.005+08:00

lost

Complicated matters weighing heart.

Confused soul, no song to soothe.

Empty shelf, missing shoes.

Extirpated and drowned in this tranquility.

Different streets,

differen names.

Same loneliness.

2011-06-24T19:48:00.001+08:00

from the moment i missed her, i wish i could just walk up to her and say... hey I miss you.

2011-05-07T11:08:00.000+08:00

"Believe that you are defeated, believe it long enough, and it is likely to become a fact."
Norman Vincent Peale - American Protestant preacher and writer - May 31, 1898 – December 24, 1993

Delusional Angel

2011-02-07T12:45:00.002+08:00

Delusional Angel

Daydream delusion.
Limousine eyelash.
Oh, baby with your pretty face.
Drop a tear in my wineglass.
Look at those big eyes.
See what they mean to me.
Sweet cakes and milkshakes.
I am a delusion angel.
I am a fantasy parade.
I want you to know what I think.
Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where I came from.
We have no idea where we're going.
Launched in life.
Like branches in the river.
Flowing downstream.
Caught in the current.
I'll carry you.
You'll carry me.
That's how it would be.
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?

-David Jewell

2011-02-07T12:42:00.004+08:00

almost all the time, to a certain degree, we're either delusional or disillusioned. We either think people care or we think they don't. More often than not, we are wrong either way. We will save ourselves a lot of trouble if we simply not care. But the fact of matter is, we still do. Human always have issues.

beauty and the face

2011-01-30T20:30:00.004+08:00

A beautiful painting belongs
to an artist only
though endless audience yearns for it.
Face spells beauty,
the eyes, the nose, the lips,
so captivating.
Never believed that a face
could withstand such allure.
Soaked in attention but eyes
long for something, someone faraway.
Sad lips, heavy shattered heart.
Every move cuts with pain.
Thousands would kill for the beauty's grace,
yet it only longs to kiss the special one.
Image stucked heart loning.
Moving on, its just a painting.

(free verse #2'2011)

free verse

2011-01-30T20:23:00.002+08:00

that the feeling may never go away.

voice muffled.
the pain is unheard
in this dancing rain.
It pays to get rooted and
devoted.
As the condition changes,
you'll be the one who
loses.
Oh how true it is when
they say the power lies
with the person who cares the least
in a relationship.

2011-01-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way it's all good"
It didn't slow me down
Mistaken
Always second guessing
Underestimated
Look, I'm still around...

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than
f**ckin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're f**ckin' perfect to me

Pink - F**kin Perfect

living words

2011-01-27T02:55:00.004+08:00

Amazing sets of lyrics that parallel our life.

"It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me"

Five For Fighting - Superman

(It's easy being someone you're not. The hardest part is being yourself.)

"And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go "
Train - When I Look To The Sky

"you used to laugh out loud but you can't remember when
you lost your lines, it's like your moving out of time
and the whole world crumbles right beneath your..."
Daniel Powter - Love You Lately

"I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too"

Ray Charles - You Don't Know Me

"So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else i can do

Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true"
Elliott Yamin - Wait for You

2011-01-26T00:44:00.001+08:00

2011-01-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

It’s not that we didn’t love each other, it’s just that love wasn’t enough. So I think I have to let go. We have to let go.

2011-01-26T00:32:00.000+08:00

In life, there are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go of.

2011-01-26T00:31:00.001+08:00

Just for a moment, can we escape
Just for a moment, we'll find a common place
Girl it aint easy, to stay away from you baby
I just gotta say girl, but
Just for a moment, this is our song
This is a moment, where you and I belong
Girl I've been waiting, I know you're waiting
No need to say it, so close your eyes girl
Just for a moment

-Just for a moment

2011-01-17T19:16:00.002+08:00

time passes. time walks. time flies. time blows. time runs.
time passes.

Burlesque

2011-01-16T17:28:00.005+08:00

Had it not been for Burlesque, I wouldn't have known this amazing singer, Cher. Her voice is deep with those emotions that filled the song and brought meanings to the lyrics. Enough of those from Hannah Mo-whatever, and those dance beats from BEP. Time for a real listening session with Cher. Of course Celine Dion remains my favourite, but Cher is amazing too, in her own way...

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

getting to #1 on the BillBoard Dance Chart with this song. Thanks to Diane Warren for the wonderful song and Cher for bringing it to live.

a standby

2011-01-14T02:23:00.004+08:00

I may not be the best of what I am. We may not talk often.
You may cry without me kowing.
But i just want you to know that no matter how difficult things can be, in the long run, you still have me.

disconnected and not fated with the concept of love;
totally.

-quoted.

love

2010-12-27T21:43:00.005+08:00

Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.
-The Five People You Meet In Heaven

To move beyond the charade that society has nicknamed love

framed wall

2010-12-27T14:35:00.002+08:00

Gave you the colors and you painted
on the wall.
Colors dampened,
painting soured.
No longer yearning,
no longer fresh.
Kept your brushes, paint
on other walls.
A frame is portable,
a wall is still and,
stuck.
Easy come easy go,
when the taste changes
you can't beat other flavours.
Just a matter of time.

the picture

2010-08-31T00:29:00.002+08:00

just when you thought you had it
that special feeling, that lovely feeling
had to slipped away from your heart.
scream shout cry walk alone isolated.
a hundred pieces torn a part
when i'm supposed to be apart
of your life, of you.
now i quit the picture,
with the agony in me,
and a wish that your life will turn better.

before you begin

2010-08-02T20:40:00.004+08:00

5 raw poems ahead.
The following five poems are what I wrote on the spot when I have nothing to do in school. Yes, they are raw and could be made better with some refinement. But I prefer it the way they are, at least they express the emotions I felt when I tried to imagine in several different circumstances. Benedict was telling Sharifah and I that we should each write a poem and do some comparison because poems written by writers of different gender really differs. Food for thought ...

my heart will go on

2010-08-02T20:36:00.003+08:00

When the heart bleeds,
it bleeds furiously.
Where the foot stood,
the faces came upon,
the words told and heard,
all matter no more.
Because when the heart bleeds,
the pain goes on.
My heart will go on,
my pain will go on.

-hongxun

bottled love

2010-08-02T20:33:00.002+08:00

The bottle spins
somethings are
never quite
the same, anymore.
The bottle drops,
memories shattered but
the heart remembers.
Like a beautiful broken dream
or is it a broken beautiful dream?
The feelings were true
but the dream, never
realised.

-hongxun

shotgun marriage

2010-08-02T20:28:00.004+08:00

Hidden voices in the bottle.
Spin roll toss and used.
The deafening chime
should be played to mine's.
Ever mine, Ever thine
has become a painful lie.
They say, watch out, love it blind
yet stubborn me did not mind.
Till two souls bind,
with third one on the climb.
Truth surfaces no more hidden.

-hongxun

Only the autumn leaf and me.

2010-08-02T20:25:00.003+08:00

Only the autumn leaf and me.

Like the fallen autumn leaf,

this love has faded and

becomes lifeless.

One hand clutches while the

other holds out.

Now what is true and what is real

is the crushing sounds with

each step inflicted onto.

The path walked no longer holds

the trail of us two.

Now, its only the autumn leaf

and me covering the long lost steps.

-hongxun

shattered glasses

2010-08-01T23:08:00.005+08:00

bottle feelings bottle up.
playing the last song,
saving the last dance,
with the best long-kept wine
untasted.
Only to see the lover flee
with someother's
heart, soul and love.

heart contracted
exasperation
heart is screaming can't stop tearing
tears running clutching wildly
whole world can feel no one can hear
what's that method?
oh yes, 1 , 2, breathe in, breathe out.

emotions twining
tears still running
who is talking
can't find my soul
can't find my heart
faith is lost, trust is broken
love is missing
saw you kissing
another pair of lips.

bottle feelings bottle up,
replay last song,
retrace my steps,
pour back the wine.
but they will never be the same again.
no much begging,
kneeling pleading crying shaking
shouting screaming bursting
calling wishing hoping thinking
would help anymore
no more.
& so...

bottle feelings bottle up.

----
just another novel poem I just came up with.
Enjoy.

quotes killed poems :o

2010-07-22T22:53:00.003+08:00

Don't forget that one minute if anger denies you sixty seconds of happiness. You live more fully once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted.
-Ruth E. Renkl

Remember that no situation is so bad that losing your temper won't make it worse. Speake when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
-Ambrose bierce

Don't allow a person's disposition to determine yours. No matter what the circumstances are, always react with class. He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.

break

2010-07-11T23:59:00.005+08:00

Below are some movies that I have shortlisted to watch when I'm free.

Way Back Into Love

2010-07-11T22:48:00.001+08:00

Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

Stress Remedies

2010-07-09T23:08:00.003+08:00

Dedicated to the ones I care.

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked,

how heavy is this glass of water?
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied:

The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
He continued:

And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.

Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to Deal with the Burdens of Life

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Since the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Men by Maya Angelou

2010-07-06T22:53:00.004+08:00

Men

When I was young, I used to
Watch behind the curtains
As men walked up and down the streets. Wino men, old men.
Young men sharp as mustard.
See them. Men are always
Going somewhere.
They knew I was there. Fifteen
Years old and starving for them.
Under my window, they would pause,
Their shoulders high like the
Breasts of a young girl,
Jacket tails slapping over
Those behinds,
Men.

One day they hold you in the
Palms of their hands, gentle, as if you
Were the last raw egg in the world. Then
They tighten up. Just a little. The
First squeeze is nice. A quick hug.
Soft into your defenselessness. A little
More. The hurt begins. Wrench out a
Smile that slides around the fear. When the
Air disappears,
Your mind pops, exploding fiercely, briely,
Like the head o a kitchen match. Shattered.
It is your juice
That runs down their legs. Staining their shoes.
When the earth rights itself again,
And taste tries to return to the tongue,
Your body has slammed shut. Forever.
No keys exist.

Then the window draws full upon
Your mind. There, just beyond
The sway of curtains, men walk.
Knowing something.
Going someplace.
But this time, I will simply
Stand and watch.

Maybe.

-Maya Angelou

Its an emotional and great poem that really needs careful readings.

2010-07-05T01:50:00.000+08:00

"You start out life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later, there comes a time when you look back at where you have been and wonder who you really are. "

love living life

2010-05-28T22:27:00.003+08:00

"There are sometimes in life, when you fall down and you feel like you don't have the strength to get back up. Do you think you have hope? Because I tell you, I'm down here. Face down and I have no arms and no legs. It should be impossible for me to get back up. But its not. You see, I will try one hundred times to get up and if I fail one hundred times. If I fail and I give up, do you think that I'm ever gonna get up? No. But if I fail and I try again, and again and again, but I just want you to know that its not the end. It matters how you're gonna finish. Are you going to finish it strong? And you will find the strength to get back up...like this."

-Nick Vujicic

life's shell

2010-05-08T23:50:00.003+08:00

"Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions." -From the movie, Robin Hood. For anything significantly to be achieved, you have to be preapred to pay the costs. These costs will show how committed you are to your goals, these costs will prove how much drives you have within. And when the passion wears off, will you still be able to move on like yesterday with the same motivations?

There're three issues. Firstly, getting knocked down and thats it. Secondly, getting knocked down, blame the world and yourself, and move on much slowly. Thirdly, getting knocked down and work harder, push for the better. Many of us have been hit at the hardest, for the longest that we have soon lie comfortably in the first two categories.

We have seen and been told that right before dawn, is the darkest hour. Failure is the stepping stone to success. Truth to be told, question to be asked is...how many of us are still able to stand strong in the face of adversity and still face a new day with similar smile and energy that we have got at the start? Not many.

We have been constantly reminded of the consequences of how we deal with the current situation. The drive behind why or what we are doing has changed in one way or another. We spent time brooding over stuffs. We procrastinate. We complained. We get distracted. How much time would be saved if only we stay commited to our goals. We must be stretched and tested before we can become better. We must become people who dreams of success before we can become one. Are you able to go for it?

Its a complicated world outside and so...can the lambs really become the lions?

The key just won't fit the lock

2010-04-03T21:49:00.003+08:00

The key just won't fit the lock.

The touch of our lips told my heart
that dreams are not impossible.

As the lovers separate, the heart sinks.
What was once filled with love and dreams
is now filled with tears.

Every step and every move,
is like throwing away memories of us,
difficult and painful.

My heart will go on,
I told myself.
Its a lie.

As you're gone, sat down
in a corner I did. Staring blankly.
Running my minds thoughts of you,
your face in my mind so beautiful.

If I had been born with a lil more courage
a lil more initiative,
maybe things won't have to end this way.
Maybe.

I close my gate,
nothing to enter.
For my world disappears
with you.
For I'm gone too, from
that step you took.

push on

2010-04-02T19:47:00.003+08:00

push on push on.

kept reminding myself to look at the perspective of winning honour from being able to rise up from challenges and not the counting of failures that exist within each fallen steps. Everyone likes to complain, I'm not an exception. But I seldom voice it out cause I feel that there's no point in wasting my time complaining when I could have done something better with it. I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do. A div is coming, it really is. The heavy task of playing well is breaking my faith, I don't want to lose, I don't want to have any regrets. Studies and Volleyball, juggling juggling...struggling. But still, I must push on.

2010-03-27T21:44:00.002+08:00

Courage is not the absence of fear.
But rather, the judgement that something else
is more important than fear.
The brave may not live forever,
but the cautious do not live at all.

Parallel-love

2010-03-25T23:27:00.003+08:00

I'd call it the parallel-love.

Love that can never exists.

Love that can never happens.

For parallels never meet.

Corner of his eye, that boy looked.

The girl never turns back,

not known of his presence.

Like two strokes of straight

lines, they walked past.

He wasn't made known still.

Cut deep in his heart, he

knows, that they will

never be together,

never.

Their lives are complete different,

in parallel of each other.

Parallels.

Will they ever meet?

Sofa Surfing

2010-03-21T21:41:00.003+08:00

I particularly like this piece of article...

On Sofa Surfing

The beauty of sofa surfing though is that you're given access to people's lives and get to see what they're like when they take off their masks. When you meet people socially they're often performing to a certain extent but within their homes you'll see them in all their moods. It's like being a student of humanity. Every time you arrive at a new house, you have new books and CD collections to peruse and new kitchen cardboards to plunder. There are new pets to befriend and new neighbours to regard you suspiciously. It's like journeying through new, domestic worlds and is one of the best way to learn about nuts and bolts of a new culture. Like places where each member of the household has their own bottle of soya sauce with their name written on it.

For full article, please refer here.

2010-02-20T18:35:00.005+08:00

they can take tomorrow and the plans we made
they can take the music that we never play
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

2010-02-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

that feeling when you got cheated,

once again.

2010-02-04T21:25:00.001+08:00

i've nothing.

nothing.

2010-02-04T21:24:00.000+08:00

don't make me close one more door.

2010-01-31T23:59:00.002+08:00

Same old weakness gets so strong.

lies fall from the lips.

3 a.m.

& the whisky smell gets so strong,

she slept in the hallway.

Jailed in unhappiness, locked forever.

Nobody's got to belong to nobody.

2010-01-31T22:37:00.001+08:00

the roses smelled so sweet and the colour so tempting
that he who plucks it, didn't see the thorns on it.
And when the pain gets to him, he just screams mad at the rose.

2010-01-31T21:30:00.003+08:00

Yesterday spelled the end for Beach Volleyball, for the time being. We got fourth place, maybe its due to a storke of luck or due to our skills. But somehow, i wished for a rematch. Now that Beach Volleyball competition is over, that will be one thing less from the list.

And now having chocolate bar and Coke for dinner.
I will feel guilty when the time comes of when my mind can't win over my body.

2010-01-31T21:01:00.001+08:00

an end for afresh.

2010-01-27T21:34:00.002+08:00

Struggling inside searching freedom.
White roses mournful candles.
Fight breathe fight.
Don't forget to breathe.
Fight, fight, fight. Fight for that
power.
Painful steps not yet taken.
Dark suspense hurtful souls.
Let the rose dance its waltz tonight.

; its just a mixture of complex feelings.

2010!!!

2010-01-09T00:42:00.002+08:00

Packed January!!!

oh nooo....its January of 2010 already! Loads of going activities awaiting :)
i should be happy to keep myself busy. For this january...

-Complete holiday homework (before school starts)
-JJ Open House
-School reopens!
-Tests/Revision
-JJ Volleyball trainings
-Beach Volleyball games
-Beach Volleyball Competition
-Team Jerseys/Vball Shirt
-Birthdays :) including mine...heheh.
-Preparing for A Division
-Night Volleyball games/trainings

I guess January will be very on-going for me, but I am ready to face it :)
Good Luck to everyone and have a good year!

2009-12-22T22:24:00.002+08:00

I've been engaging with Volleyball almost everyday, indoor, outdoor, beach then outdoor, indoor...its the same process everyday. It always stirs a kind of fear in me whenever players from elsewhere do well in the games and when its my turn, I can't seem to get involved enough in the game. Its such a hard job being the only setter.

I used to think that being the best player or one of the best in JJ is enough.
So always, playing Volleyball under the shadow of JJ. But recently, I've went out, exposed and experienced. I've seen much more and discovered that I need to break the limit to bring something better for the team & onto the court.

From now until A Div, I will become better.
I must become a better setter.

its the fear;
when you thought that you're at the peak and realized that you're not enjoying the breeze anymore, but more afraid of failing and falling.

Separation

2009-12-18T16:55:00.003+08:00

Separation

Walk down the street of faith,
yet I see your face it fades.
Like an old song playing,
memories of our past rewinding.
Reaching out for your heart,
all I got was a permanent cut.
Love that bleeds, hurts a lot.
Forever love, we thought, we thought.
Tears die the flame of candle I light,
I guess I will spend another lonely night.

The bitter tears shed over graves,
are for words left unsaid,
for deeds left undone.

#-hong xun.

Wrote this poem while listening to Cinta Arjuna by Aliff Aziz. Though I don't really understand the song, it reminds me of its chinese version and brought memories that I had in my secondary school (nothing to do with romance) to me.

Read this poem carefully. I mean, on one look, you may think that this is just another typical heart-break, failed relationship poem. But it isn't. The couple in the poem, they are still in love. Its just that one's dead and the other isn't. Its hard for one to move on when your loved one, who you thought you could live with and for, has been gone. It almost feels like you no longer have any reason to carrying on living. These emotions and thoughts are somewhat similar to how I felt when I read P.S. I Love You.

2009-12-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

It's just one of those days where i just want to disappear.
To get away from everything, because i hate my life here.
Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.

:)

2009-12-13T20:02:00.001+08:00

Happiness ...
is not something we find,
it's something we create.

i miss you

2009-12-13T19:38:00.003+08:00

Take things for granted &

you'll be regretting it.

Resisting with obstinacy

your advice and goodwill.

Tuning talks out of tranquil

blame on my insularity.

I'm sorry for being that wilful

charging my way here & there.

Hurting you while you care,

I've never been that thoughtful.

Just found this poem in my 'deathnote' a.k.a. notebook. Or should it be the otherway round? nevertheless, not a perfect poem done but just wanna post for enjoyment.

twilight

2009-12-12T22:12:00.001+08:00

I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this.
-Jacob Black, New Moon.

damn sweet.

JJ vs MI

2009-12-11T23:26:00.003+08:00

Had friendly games against MI today. Ms Ng came to watch. Took place at JJ.
All of us, JJ & MI were damn tired under the hot sun, but we played on.
Fun & valuable.
c:

.
.
.

ok that was the summary.
if you're chewing your food infront of your laptop, finding something to kill your boredom or blog-hopping while awaiting the youtube videos to get their loadings done, read the commentary below.

It was supposed to be a beautiful morning, till the weather becomes evil with the scorching Sun smiling full face at all of us. The JJ-icans gathered in school by 9am and were already doing their warm-ups and drills. All getting ready for the match to be played at 10am. But the MI players were a little late as one player had gotten mesmerized by the dream fairy so it takes a few ringings and hello-ings?? to wake to reality.

(ok, sick of typing everything down)

Apologies sending towards you for the abrupt ending but I've to sleep now.
budbye.

P.S. I Love You

2009-12-09T19:10:00.002+08:00

'Thick salty tears trickled down her face and she wrapped her arms around her body to comfort herself...She cried for Gerry, she cried for herself ...She just wanted Gerry back and didn't care about anything else. She didn't care if he came back and they fought every day, she didn't care if they were broke and had no house and no money. She just wanted him.'

-Adapted from P.S. I Love You.

rocky road...

2009-12-08T20:06:00.002+08:00

1. We play indoor Volleyball.

Asked kindly if we could use the school hall, was told that the floor will spoil or crack (somewhere along that line). Fair enough.

Asked the school's HOD to help us book an indoor court in a nearby secondary school (because we tried booking on our own, but they need it by the official way) AND we (our team) were willing to pay for the fees. We don't intend to use the school's money, i.e. they don't even intend to give in the first place, i guess. YET, till now, there was no news.

the more i recall, the more furious one can get. I guess the Hockey's girls captain could be the only one who could understand what I'm saying.

2. Coach = no coach.

never mind about this.

OK.
End of chapter 1 of Grumbling.

2009-12-08T19:50:00.002+08:00

Its this time of the year where everyone is working so hard at their sports, to improve, to attain and to maintain that level of performance. Just so, just so that an inch of glory could be fought for when the competition begins. A Division is probably the only last division, that anyone can play. We're all to old for B & C Division, & we're left with the last.

It will be the one and only last fight, we're talking about.
& its scary not being able to keep up to be on the balance
with the other competing schools or teams.

Volleyball : Studies

8 : 2

oh dear...this is worrying

2009-12-08T18:34:00.000+08:00

I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me.

-Edward Cullen, Twilight

the love from my Volleyball team

2009-11-30T22:36:00.002+08:00

Today, the whole (almost) Volleyball teams of guys and girls gave me a surprise- they bought a pair of new Volleyball shoes for me! I was shocked and touched by their efforts and sincerity.

Long-ing

2009-11-30T22:17:00.004+08:00

Long-ing

I woke up from my dream,

its been hours since you've been gone,

And I'm already missing you.

What to do.

Hours passed.

Had my lunch.

I jumped from happiness just,

to see your long distance call.

Its minutes to midnight moon.

You called.

We talked.

Minutes passed.

All emptiness drained from my heart.

Days after are thee back.

Light hopes lifted once again.

Click.

Call ended.

I'm alone.

Preparing myself for another day,

Keeps my spirit is another call from you.

Another hour later.

Hours later.

Its a poem called Long-ing, created months ago. This poem was also one of the first few poems I tried creating for this year. It isn't an excellent piece but I believe the meaning and values behind it are what that shows the essence in it.

its a hush to poems post.

2009-11-27T23:23:00.004+08:00

its a hush to poems post.

-back in Singapore (from Chengdu) for almost a week. that was a trip worth going.
-unlearn and learn. made new friends, tried new food, got blown away with a new environment and beauty.
-brought back memories of laughters and knowledge.
-The two Volleyball teams(guys and girls) have become closer than become. Just within one week, had 2-3 outings already and we're already planning on christmas party. wonder if the bond will last :)
-tired & looking forward to weekend.

2009-11-14T17:13:00.002+08:00

Finally, I will be able to train and play indoor Volleyball soon. Have been waiting for this chance for too long. Being in JJ Volleyball, partially means not being able to train and play indoor volleyball. Yet, ironically, the competition we're representing school will be indoor volleyball. I am going to make full use of this chance to train hard and play hard. I am sure 10 years down the road, I will look back at my JC life, not only at the academics but also the road that I've taken as a volleyball player. All the best.

Love Poem (Heartbreak)

2009-11-14T17:05:00.002+08:00

A Poem

Down on the alley at the park where I dwell
I once knew a boy I loved so well.
He took my heart away from me
& now he wants to set it free.

I lay and cry in bed,
not a word to mom I said.
While dad came home early that night,
looking for me from left to right.
Finally through the door he broke,
when he found me hanging on a rope.
He got a knife and cut it down,
& on my bed a note he found.
“Dig my grave and dig it deep,
fill it with stones from head to feet.
& on the top please put a dove,
to show the world I died for love.”

I just found this poem randomly online and it didn't state who the poet was. Probably just another highschool girl. Somehow this poem is able to leave an imperceptible bit of sadness in me. Dove and love, what a lovely combination.

Few more hours to ChengDu

2009-11-14T16:36:00.003+08:00

Lets take a break from poems nature (I am too excited to think of one anyway, for now). In a few more hours time, I will be heading to the airport and off to the Chengdu!~ During packing, I was asking my Sis whether my ears would drop off cause the weather is too cold. Btw, I got back the results for my J1 year. I got promoted but still feels a sense of uncertainty because my results are not that great (though not too poor either). In other words, I am afraid. Afraid of not being able to cope with whats lying in the crust of J2 content, afraid of not being able to catch up, afraid of not doing well for my A Levels. They say its the fear that makes us coward, makes us reflect upon reflections (if you know what it means). It is also rooms for fear that make us grow...provided we're able to face the fear and determine to overcome it. I'm not sure if i'm ready. Up ahead lies two paths, promote or retain voluntarily. Which one to choose? I am not sure at all...guess I will have to think hard when I come back from China.

P.S. It feels kind of weird and let down right now to blog about my personal life.

Chengdu Cheng Cheng Du Du

2009-11-13T13:26:00.002+08:00

Off to Chengdu (Volleyball trip) in one day more!

I know its a bit embarrassing but this will be my first-ever overseas school trip. I'm expecting fun and improvement, reflections and detections, thinking and on-going activities and feelings.

.
.
.

if i walk would you run, if i stop would you come,
if i say you're the one, would you believe me?

if i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say, so you don't leave me.

P.S. thanks to Sharifah that I'm able to know this song.

2009-11-10T14:49:00.002+08:00

Let's stay up all night, I'll hold you in my arms until daylight.

Toughest was trying not to fall in love with you.
Most painful was standing next to you but never with you.
Saddest was seeing you crying in someone's arms.

When Broken Glass Floats

2009-11-08T14:34:00.003+08:00

There's a Cambodian proverb about what happens when good and evil are thrown together into the river of life. Good is symbolized by klok, a type of squash, and evil by armbaeg, shards of broken glass.

There comes a time when klok sinks and broken glass floats. But armbaeg will not float long. Soon klok will float instead, and then good will prevail.

"...wait and see. It will happen."

This was what became the seed of a Cambodian survivor in the war under the Khmer Rouge.
Adpated from 'When Broken Glass Floats'.

2009-11-08T14:28:00.003+08:00

if i could paint a picture for you,
i would paint the world's most beautiful creature,
and that is you.

if missing you represents a star,
i would have the whole night sky,
cause i miss you too much, too much.

if i could have one last dance with you,
i'd play a song that would never end,
cause i wanna be with you.

2009-11-04T21:59:00.003+08:00

My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

-William Shakespeare

how true i think this is...
but where's the courage to bring out and up the thoughts ?

Seventh step since you're gone

2009-10-25T12:12:00.004+08:00

Seventh step since you're gone.

Lonliness is grapping my heart,
I'm breaking the limit with each
breath taken, each tear fallen.
Yearning for your shadow, but
the light's getting more blind.
Keeping your smell in the bottle,
but its only getting more faint.

Our life entangled by little acts of fate.
Locked doubles by the name of love.
Held the hands, promises yet to be kept.
Mouths fought when passsion burn.
Passion turned to spite, killing itself.
Passion burnt, ashes don't even exist.
You walked, I'm still standing there.

Our favourite song is playing now,
my hand pause at the on-off button.
Conflicting emotions made me wonder.
The music trade a smile of mine with
memories of us being flashed back.
The streets we walked down, the
places we went, issues we talked.

Now I'm sitting by the window,
looking, watching at my own shadow.
How I wish I could pull you back.
Raindrops sliding, I started counting.
One, two, three, four. Four steps
you have walked off so far. Getting
chaos and lost, I'm fighting my own self.

Tears dried up, dreams shatterd
heart broken and not yet mended.
I need a break, I need a cleanout.
Took music as my companion,
and I walked down an unfamiliar
street. I saw you, holding hands
standing close to someone else.

I turned and ran back home,
forgotten how many people I've
shuffled through. Heart felt like
it was going to tear apart.
Were my eyes lying to me? I shut them
off.
My pillow's getting wet from tears.

Its today, now and now.
Forgotten how I fell asleep.
Phone checked with no voice
mail. Sit by the window again.
The sun light is hurting my eyes,
seen my shadow but no yours. Its
the seventh day since you're gone.

-hongxun 251009

Another poem created. I spent almost half an hour typing it. I'm not sure if its good enough to be read, but its truely a sincere work of mine. Enjoy and try to appreciate. Thank You.

2009-10-25T01:18:00.000+08:00

Like my friend, I love the following quote...

"Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies."

2009-10-19T02:35:00.005+08:00

When love is there,

you don't really care,

whether anyone is looking,

all you want is your lover's kiss.

Your heart becomes lighter,

and you smile, a smile brighter.

That pair of eyes that crosses yours,

is the one reason that made you smile,

when you're enduring through the miles.

Its tonight, and only tonight,
that I am gonna hold you real tight.

the mirror

2009-10-19T02:20:00.003+08:00

in front of him, she stares.
thinking that he wouldn't care.
standing so close she feelks him breathe,
wondering how much she has to give,
for a trade of love from him,
for a trade of care from him.
His eyes lock into hers, their world seems
to be interwined just at this moment.
she guess its just an one-sided love
& she walks away.

in front of her, he stood.
what was it that he could do.
she's so near he could barely breathe,
one-way thoughts he could hardly sieve,
for a trade of love from her,
for a trade of hold from her.
silky hair oval-shaped face
blew away and make him daze
do i stand a chance?
she walks away...

-hongxun

given more time, i would want to perfect this poem.
till then, this shall remain as the draft.

2009-09-27T00:38:00.000+08:00

i wish i have a clairvoyance ability.

that orange love

2009-09-26T22:45:00.001+08:00

Look into your eye,
I don't wanna lie.
Till your by my side,
I don't wanna hide.
The fire's burning inside,
I gotta take this one last ride.

Its a bet between love & loneliness.

tint

2009-09-26T14:20:00.003+08:00

you promised me everything would be perfect,
what we could do, what we could talk about.
in the world of only you and me.
counting down the days to our meeting
its like catching for oxygen,
i can't wait for it.
now the days came and gone,
what i'm filled with
no longer is
the excitement i got long ago,
but with bleakness that i can't get rid of.
like a shadow this melancholy feeling,
is scary till it makes me go crying.

In Love Again - Janice 衛蘭 (P.S. I Love You)

2009-09-09T23:11:00.002+08:00

Take me to far away,
away to your secret place.
Take my tears, my fears,
take all my pain for which I'll repay
someday with a kiss and say
can't believe that I'm in love,
in love again.

am in love with this song.

2009-09-09T22:25:00.001+08:00

its hard for me to tell you
i love you.
as i'm standing over your grave.
what am i to do in a world
without you?

poem- conscience

2009-09-07T21:07:00.002+08:00

her conscience

the memory ahead strikes her,
but her heart pushes her on.
each step costs a weigh of guilt,
but she knows its her duty to fulfill.
thorns on white roses made her bled,
but still lies the roses she does.
the gravel feels cold,
but her heart is hurting.
a tomb reads death unknown,
but she knows what causes it.

chanting stopped, she turns around
but her movement seems controlled.
controlled by a sin so long ago,
but the sin still survives in her.
her tears flows down
but she isn't sad.
She is fearfully scared,
but not yet mad.
'I'm sorry!' she ran away shouting,
but that couldn't undo what she had done.
-hong xun

another poem written by me. I don't know what came over me but there was this sudden urge to write a poem. As I was writing this poem, images of dark cemetery, a lady walking on a gravel pathway with some white roses in her hands...and so on came into my mind. So i decided to write something more towards death, guilt and fear instead of just about the creepy environment. hope you guys like it. even if you do not, try to appreciate it ok? Thanks!

Masks. truth. lies.

2009-08-31T21:49:00.003+08:00

lets talk about the masks.
not those we see and are able to buy from shops, but rather, those that we cannot see & we use them almost every now and then.

For what?

To hide ourselves.

Everyone wishes to feel accepted in life. We wish to fit in with our peers and hide what we really feel or who we are, just to be so. Most people could even wear a mask while smiling, with torn and bleeding heart beneath. We hide our true emotions too well. But for what reason? To flow along with the masses? To fit in? (as mentioned) Or simply a reason of lack of courage? Many reasons uncovered. At the end of the day, it all comes down to the individual. What are you hiding from? What are you trying to fake? Whats keeping you from showing who you are?

Slowly, but surely, wearing a mask becomes a role for us. Lets leave the questions above a rest and ask yourself this; do people wear masks to hide from truth or fake?

Its not that simple, do you wear a mask because you're afraid of what lies in front of you might be fake? or you wear a mask to immune and hide yourself from the truth, which sometimes, can be a needle in the heart. Its somewhere along these lines of thoughts, think about them.

Masks, where truth, lies
-get the double meaning?

below is a poem regarding wearing a mask, just to get accepted and having sacrificed your true self.

Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906)

We Wear the Mask

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

P.S. I swear that at the point when I'm typing this post on my keyboard which is filled with how many millions of germs, I am not experiencing any 'oh a moment of this' kind of thing. Its just that I came upon the poem above, which drives me to think about the whole motif of masks that people, literature have been talking about.

for the Cambodia heroes

2009-08-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

fear and hunger

war came as sudden as the weather,
fight lost as eagle lost its feather.
stuck in a world of chaos and fear,
as blasting and guns are what we hear.
our heads were down & hopes fallen,
we were constantly fed with threatens.

when will this end?

day after day, i ate tears for meals,
hoping distant relatives will send a mail.
just to know that they're safe and sound,
cause death has become something i can't count.
too many people dying one by one,
wondering when will i be the one.

when will this end?

i turned to my mom, i cried for her,
almost couldn't recognize that petite lady is her.
hunger made mom begging, made father dying,
made brother suffering, made baby crying.
sun had risen yet i can't see the light
to me, life is in deepest darkness of the night.

WHEN WILL THIS WAR END?

written by me, Kee Hong Xun, on 23 August 2009.
on the pretend that i am one of the brave victims of the 1975 Cambodia War.
i give my utmost respect to the ones who have walked on, and those, who have moved on in a different world.

why did i have the sudden urge to write a poem about the cambodia war? read below.
i remember reading those books on Khmer Rouge a year ago, and am especially mesmerized by those books written by people who actually experienced the war itself. the description can be quite vivid as the author brings you to her world of darkness and hunger. i always have an urge to go to Cambodia to see the AngKor Wat, see how's the state's like and everything whenever i finish any books on that.

do read a few books on that and you will understand my poem better, hopefully. if not, i still thank you for reading.

She's the one, I will Be

2009-08-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

another reason to like Avril Lavigne better.

Avril Lavigne "I Will Be"

I will be, all that you want,
And get myself together.
Cause you keep me from falling apart,
All my life, I'll be with you forever.
To get you through the day,
And make everything okay

------------------

And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go.

its beautiful and poetic isn't it. sometimes i don't really get it, as in, people would rather be discussing about who sang one particular song better (in this case, between Avril Lavigne and Leona Lewis) than talking about the meaning behind the song and the way the song is structured. stories after stories are awaiting to be told, and i'm waiting to uncover hers one day. but now i know its of no use to rush, just take one step at a time. i'm waiting for more chapters to come :D

Coffee Price the tenth cup

2009-08-15T15:04:00.000+08:00

I didn't know at the start.
You look into my eyes,
Why am i so anxious?

Always wanted to ask you this,
If you knew my heart.
Although I've never told you
Now I know
You feel the same like I do.

Hesitating day by day
Sleepless
It hurts too much.

Hold my hand.
I won't ever let you go.
I love you.
Till the last moment of my life.

the hindrance

2009-08-13T20:26:00.001+08:00

here's a poem which i wrote after one of my volleyball trainings. i remembered i was real tired and sleepy that day, especially after the training. dedicate to those who are involve in sports. Trainings can get real tough, especially at times when Nationals Competition period is impending. sometimes your body couldn't take it but you know you have to move on, keep on pushing, and not wanting to let your coach, team mates and yourself down. so all the best to all the sports people.

the hindrance

Sweats rolling faith dangling,
took the start keep on moving.
Three syllabus breaking us-obstacle,
missing something called miracle.

can i move on?
hand on.
hang on.

Eyes closing keep on wondering,
thoughts running keep on pumping
surge to fight on slowly losing.

can i move on?
did i move on?
come on...

voices in my head demanding,
luminous dimming hopes falling.

where am i?
have i started?
or has it ended already?

-help

don't let yourself down or have any regrets after the competition. Each match is precious, each training is crucial, each member is precious. Make an effort, do your best, be remembered to be the guy or girl who gave their all on the court. because once its over, its really over.

Tear Drops on My Guitar

2009-08-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

am immensely in love with the song 'Tear Drops on My Guitar' by Taylor Swift.
love the song.

He's (She's) the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's (She's) the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

---

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his (her) picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

---

4p1

2009-07-25T21:51:00.000+08:00

with the tick of clock,
we moved on.
nothing to hold us,
except memories and longing.

different schools,
different set of clothing,
and probably adding on,
would be a different identity.

would our memories fade?
or will it stay like yesterday?

walking on, laughing
with our current friends.
a similar habit lingers to
remind us of what we had.

that seems to be the 4p1
i recalled, to be in.
is there more to this memory?
or be overtaken by a fresh new piece?

there isn't a fixed rhythmic, just thought of making a poem due to yianlu and jiamin. friends, classmates, schoolmates from the past,-secondary school years. We moved on, and i wonder how many of us, will stop once in awhile and thought about how the others are doing. i'm not sure if i will be remembered but photos are evident to helping me to keep my memory from fading.

1st Shop of Coffee Prince

2009-07-24T20:58:00.000+08:00

Now I know, how you were as lost
and wandering as i was.
How you hurt so much,
it kept you from sleep.

Hold my hand,
I won't let go of you again.
I love you,
as long as I breathe...

death

2009-07-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

she walks on a trail of stones
the breeze was cold,
cold as her soul.
she stops.

a tear rolls,
its been a year
since a fresh red rose
has replaced yet another

withered grey rose
she stood up and walk on
on the path lighten up by the moonlight
going to grow a new red rose to visit this path another time

first post

2009-07-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

synopsis of the day

•watched harry potter with my Sis and friends.

there were a total of 8 of us, so you should be able to imagine how noisy we were. if you can't, well..too bad. till you meet us ;) we spent a great deal of time just queuing to buy popcorn at the cinema in Causeway Point. Its (the problem) either the staffs are moving like they are chewing a sotong (slow and enjoying in self-denial world) or the structure of the way everything is organized and managed. But we still managed to hold onto our whats left little patience, and bought the popcorn & drinks. Even though we missed 5-10 minutes of the movie.

•Starbucks
had Dark Mocha Frappuccino, which is just simply splendid. better than the Java chips, caramel etc. that I had before. So my next try-out would be just Mocha flavor Frappuccino alone. hopefully it will turns out to be great tasting too. we spent hours at there. them talking and discussing about upcoming outings, outings 5 months next, past etc. Come to talk about Starbucks, realize that there were lots of teenagers, people around my age, occupying seats without any purchase from Starbucks, and doing they project work without having the least heck care whether there were others waiting for seats too.

Dark-Mocha Frappuccino

•Dinner at Ichiban
our whole table was filled with food. totally bloated at the end of our meal. it was a good meal :]
took lots of photographs let alone talking. after dinner, everyone was extremely tired and bloated. Sis, Lai and me took taxi home. costly. Harry Potter And The Prisoner of Azkaban ended, just. Wanna watch '...& Goblet Of Fire' tomorrow! Have to wake up early and reach at 9am for ProjectWork with my group members.

Thats all, end of synopsis.